You know it, you love it, it may return on an as-needed basis for Campaign 3 now that Allura has entered the narrative and we know the fate of Caleb, but no promises: it’s the Wizard Breakdown Tracker! As a reminder, I now include PCs because I make the rules; wizard NPCs are included on the very scientific basis of “do I have something I think is kind of funny or meaningful to say” so as always, if I left someone off, it was on purpose specifically to annoy you.
Astrid Becke: well her boss is missing, Caleb has expressed concerns in private to Beau about all of the Assembly, apparently the king is bedridden and has been for some time, and I suspect news of unsealed things being unsealed gets to her quickly; even if she isn’t aware of the events in Blumenthal yet, she’s about to be. Also, it’s the apogee solstice. 8/10; ever the opportunist, it is a good time for her to try to become head of the Assembly, but also shit’s gone real sideways.
Eadwulf Grieve: lost his title of hottest mage (men’s division) to one Fjord Stone during the last Nicodranas County Fair and has been sulking ever since but more importantly the temple of the Raven Queen is doing Not Great Bob as of like an hour ago so a rare Eadwulf stress moment. 7/10.
Planerider Ryn: just lost her arm…but is unaware of it, so that’s probably helping. technically cannot be calculated because she is a rock but spiritually like an 8/10 and that’s only because she is remarkably unflappable; she just witnessed the Malleus Key and that should drive anyone up to a 10.
Allura Vysoren: has absolutely sensed a disturbance in the force weave and I’m sure Kima’s feeling some bad vibes from Bahamut right now, but rather like Ryn she actually has some degree of sangfroid, a concept unheard of in the entire continent of Wildemount. 6/10.
Yussa Errenis: have you ever dealt with like, an ER Nurse, and unless something is actually exploding or someone is actually bleeding out they’re like “yeah it be like that sometimes”? After you’ve been sucked into the Cognouza Hivemind while trying to do your silly little arcane investigations nothing short of the Calamity will ruffle you. He’s an elf; he knows this solstice is wonky but also he knows this is Someone Else’s Problem. Also Jester’s left him alone for a whole 24 hours? Incredible. 2/10 and that’s really just because he’s still a little cranky about the disappearance of his blast scepter. As always: never change, king.
Prism Grimpoppy: by my calculations she’s discovering that she’s actually fucking incredible in combat right now. 0/10, she’s doing GREAT.
Pumat Sol and sure, fuck it, Oremid Hass: I suspect the Zadash Wizard Contingent is dealing with some wild unsealed shit from the time of the Julous Dominion and they can’t get in touch with anyone in the capital, but it’s probably manageable. 4/10. On edge but not too bad.
Ludinus Da'leth: oh did your little plan to unleash the god-eater go a touch sideways? were you unprepared for the possibility of fucking all of magic? did you think it was going to be easy? did level 9 “Fuck Up Airship” and level 8 “Shield Against Werewolf” fail to save your bitch ass? As we’ve seen, he’ll scramble and recover, unfortunately, but it’s a well-deserved 9/10 right now. I love to see a plan fall apart.
Trent Ikithon: OH this motherfucker has LOST IT in prison. Like…he was able to put together a pretty elaborate situation, to be clear, but also he’s gone bugfuck nuts and does not really improve. I think he’s already broken down from the start having clearly been planning this exact scenario from the moment of his imprisonment honestly given that he appears to be going off of the frissons he picked up from Caleb and Essek shortly before he was captured, but regardless: he definitely ends it at a 10/10. Stuck in an egg for eternity, if he’s even still a separate entity from Omentis. A well-deserved fate if ever there was one. Get fucked lol.
Veth Brenatto: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha 10/10 you know she watched Luc leap through the teleportation circle as it closed and has been shrieking loud enough to be heard at the Chateau.
Luc Brenatto: the arrogance and naivete of youth insulate him initially, but Aggy’s demise probably spikes it to a solid 6 minimum and it’s definitely 9 during the battle. It goes back down pretty quickly though; see Caleb’s entry above.
Caleb Widogast: he keeps it together pretty well, honestly! Still I have to imagine he’s kind of at a 7 or so this entire time with occasional spikes to 9 (NEIN) throughout, and I wouldn’t fault him for finishing up the Blumenthal Brunch and then quietly locking himself in a soundproof tower room to scream, cry, and throw up for a while. Indeed, I would encourage it; Caleb should go have a good cry and hug a magic cat for a couple hours until he feels better, and then come back down to find that everyone except the clerics but DEFINITELY including Luc has implemented Spontaneous Apogee Solstice Oktoberfest to celebrate the demise of Trent, the engagement of Fjord and Jester, and the general experience of being alive, and is varying degrees of extremely wasted. This will of course bring him back up to like 7 as he realizes he has to return a hungover teenager to Veth and then goes down to a 4 or so when he realizes the clerics can fix that and Veth will probably be so glad that Luc is alive she’ll ignore the rest of it.
Essek Thelyss: Our international drow of mystery looms large in the narrative, but does not make an appearance, which makes this premise extremely funny. I assume he’s feeling kind of rough given that the Dynasty wizards are well-attuned to leylines and I would imagine he picks up that Sending isn’t working and was broadly aware Caleb was going into danger, so he’s certainly stressed, but Trent doesn’t actually seem to know Where in Exandria is Essek Thelyss and is merely threatening blackmail. Honestly while we’re at it, we don’t know where Essek is because I wouldn’t put it past Mr. Geometer Owner to have been at a solstice nexus and to have possibly experienced his own Solstice Shunting. In fact I assume Essek is blissfully unaware of these specific goings on re: Trent and is just experiencing The Anxiety for all of the previous reasons. (1d6+3)/10.
Known Gem Wizard Hotsauce Lutefisk: Hmmm. Things becoming unsealed, you say? The uninvited guest list (The Real Gelidon, Isharnai) for The TusktoothStone-Lavorre wedding may have gained an extra entry.
the fact that the cosplayers are all dressed so accurately to what we know as tv viewers even though they’re cosplaying based on books is so funny. “For another day of hunting ghosts, Sam picked out his favorite dark beige jacket layered over a plain, dark, button-up shirt. After throwing on a pair of jeans and his favorite combat boots, the look was now complete. He felt ready, beautiful even.”
[ID: A digital illustration of Allura Vysoren from Critical Role. She is visible from the waist up with her arms crossed, smiling. She is wearing a blue dress with gold accents and her hair is long, braided in two plaits, and grey with some blonde streaks still in it. End description.]
I think this is my favorite shot in the intro. The whole thing is amazing, but in this sequence with Chetney I feel exactly like I’m sitting on the other side of the fire watching him work. You can really feel the attention and focus he’s giving it, the softness of his face showing how much he loves his craft, his expression emphasized by the firelight. And then of course the peacefulness of it is a great contrast to intensity of “oops all werewolf” immediately after. Huge kudos to the animation team for all of it but in particular the way they captured Chetney here is just *chef’s kiss*.
Step aside, lofi girl. We need an hour loop of Chetney whittling.
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@memyselfandi02 100% YES!! Imagine such incredible features as:
flickering firelight & surrounding woodland ambiance, fireflies or moths, the occasional breeze stirring leaves
nighttime cricket noises and the crackling of a fire in the transitions between songs
Chetney periodically switching between projects, from a rocking horse to a wolf to what is unmistakably a mini of himself
Chetney switching to different tools or stopping to sharpen a tool, or to throw wood shavings into the fire
Chetney pausing to sniff the air and look around
the occasional howl in the distance, which makes Chetney look up and smirk
the moon comes out and Chet looks up at it and gets a little wolfier for a second, but still very chill, then goes back to what he was doing
Chetney yawning and dozing off for a few seconds (roll a D100) before waking up with a snort
cameo appearance of a pale greenish quokka that steals something from his pack
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